I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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