I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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