Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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