Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
