He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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