my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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