Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dick very happy bro
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
