the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
