Dual....:-)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
