Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
