You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
