I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
