so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
