Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
