Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
