she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
