sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
