we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pants are for mortals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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