I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
