i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
