Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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