If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
