she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
