hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
