we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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