Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
