"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
