quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
