I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
