I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
