we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
