Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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