someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
