There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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