i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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