She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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