Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
