Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
