what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
True strength comes from lack of pants
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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