I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
