spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
