it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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