eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
