38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
