Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
