so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
