Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
