If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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