Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE