I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
