We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
