i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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