I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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