She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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