I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
