Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
