mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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