dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A+ Viking dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
