Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So vagazzling was a success
All the doctor said was why
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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