Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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