Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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