pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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