So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
