you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
