drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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