i used baking grease as lip gloss
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
