I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
