Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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