a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
