Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
