It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
