Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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