oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
