It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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