we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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