just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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