dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
