Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
