Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
