i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
