Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
