I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
